Thursday, April 8, 2010

Should a Sickle Cell Trait Carrier Marry Someone with Sickle Cell Disease?

There is a hot topic over at the UKGreat Sickle Cell forum on FB. A gentleman posted this question: My genotype is SS and my fiance is AS. I love this girl very much because of her character. I intend to marry her. Should I go on? I need your candid advice.

I have very strong views about this as a sickle cell warrior. I have seen too many people with sickle cell get relegated to a lonely corner, dumped, and heartbroken just because of their genetic condition. I know many good men and women who are still single yet pining for a spouse even into their 40s and 50s. The fear of sickle cell is a strong thing, and I have to agree that not every person is up to the challenge of living and loving someone with sickle cell.

If you read my archives in the Love and Sex section, you will see that I struggled with my desire to have a soul-mate against my genetics, suffering many failed relationships and heartbreak in the interim. I had earlier ascribed to the notion of not wanting to have kids unless I was 100% certain that they wouldn't get sickle cell. It had been drummed into me as a child, that I had to look for an AA to marry...so that my kids would all be AS. But I realized a few years later, that there is another option. I could marry whoever I felt was the right man for me, and if our genetics didn't match up, then God, science, and modern medicine could help the rest of the way.

Because of this, I cannot advise this gentleman to dump his intended. If he loves her regardless of her having sickle cell...then I feel that he should go through with his plans. The only tricky part about it is the decision to have children. They both should decide if children are the end all be all. Not every couple has children...and yet, they still live wonderful and fulfilling lives.

If they do want children that bad, then they could adopt, have a surrogate egg where she carries the pregnancy, do genetic counseling, or selective in vitro fertilization (which is possible in the US and UK). In addition, with each natural pregnancy, she has a 25% chance of having a child with AS. This does not mean that 1 in 3-4 children will be AS while the others are SS...it means that with each pregnancy, she could have an AS child. I know a woman who had the same odds, had 3 children, and they all are AS.

Besides, the point of marriage is not to be a baby incubator, it is to share your life and love with someone else and have someone at your back who loves you and treats you well. Not everyone that gets married has children...and yet they still have very happy and fulfilling lives. We are living in a modern age, and the world is already overpopulated as it is. So choosing not to have children is not the end of the world.

Not everything in life is guaranteed. Even people with AS or AA can get diagnosed with a condition that has the potential to be more complex than sickle cell. And yet they still get to find love. Diabetes, Cancer, Heart problems, Hepatitis...it's a long list of medical issues that humans now face. Healthy people get viruses that kill within weeks--nothing is guaranteed! Anyone can have anything, so why is sickle cell the one that is the must shunned and feared? Bah!

In addition, if your parents had known about their phenotype, and chosen to break up, abort, or not have you, where would you be today? I consider my life as a blessing, and as the only sickle cell warrior in my family, I love my parents for having me. I love my life, and do not consider it a burden. 

So many sickle cell patients end up alone and lonely, without someone to share their life with because we in the community are even stigmatizing ourselves out of fear. We live our lives in fear of passing sickle cell to our offspring. Instead of wallowing in myths and fear, do your research! You can love someone with sickle cell, and to relegate this woman to a life without her love just because of her genetic condition----THAT is NONSENSE!

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

WHAT COULD YOU DO IF YOU ARE A CARRIER???

and it sure feels stupid to ask a person about their blood, even before knowing their name!

and seriously, I feel you have more luck as a patient, than me with a fucked up gene!

CherryWine said...

I love this blog. I'm a 27 yr old sickle cell patient who like you has chosen to live life to the full. In February, I was dumped by my ex bcos i'm SS and he's AS. I just couldn't believe that people are still so uninformed about sickle cell and the options they have. I've dusted that disappointment off and I'm moving ahead. I'm still a firm believer in love and in finding someone who will love me for me and not take cognizance of the condition. Keep up the good work. This blog is A.W.E.S.O.M.E.

kosuun said...

I'M SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED TO THIS GUY WHO IS AS JUS AS I AM. HOWEVER, HIS FAMILY AND CHURCH R SAYIN NO TO IT, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND AT A POINT I TOT HE DID LV ME2 BUT NW I UNDERSTAND, IF SOM1 WONT LOVE U 4 HU U R, DEN HE AINT WORTH IT. LIFE IS TRULY BTIFUL ND ITS URS, LIVE IT2D FULL

Unknown said...

Thanks for posting such a nice blog about Sickle Cell Disease, It will be very helpful to the patients.
Sickle Cell anemia

Unknown said...

My gf is SS,but fuck it,we re getting married even though I don t know my statues.after we get married I ll go know my statues and if we re good to make kids,then fine if not then COOL.

Unknown said...

Am Alex from USA,
There is a cure for Sickle Cell Disease,
My Son once had sickle cell Disease he was always sick every month, and his growth was also very slow. he was very intelligent in school and all his teachers loves him for that. when ever he is sick, I feel the whole world is falling on me.
I got the permanent cure from Dr Alegbe, for my son. He took the medication for good one month, and from then still now he does not get any fever again. and his body system is strong. he does not get sick easily. Dr Steve has really made me happy in life again. and I promise to tell the whole world about him. I never believed my Son can live long to this extent, but now his is living fine and healthy like the other kids. Now I believed Sickle cell Disease can be cured. any one with such issues can contact the Doctor on dralegbe@gmail.com

Unknown said...

Am Alex from USA,
There is a cure for Sickle Cell Disease,
My Son once had sickle cell Disease he was always sick every month, and his growth was also very slow. he his very intelligent in school and all his teachers loves him for that. when ever he is sick, I feel the whole world is falling on me.
I got the permanent cure from Dr Alegbe, for my son. He took the medication for good one month, and from then still now he does not get any fever again. and his body system is strong. he does not get sick easily. Dr Steve has really made me happy in life again. and I promise to tell the whole world about him. I never believed my Son can live long to this extent, but now his is living fine and healthy like the other kids. Now I believed Sickle cell Disease can be cured. any one with such issues can contact the Doctor on dralegbe@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

I am bold enough among many others to state that there is now a potent cure to this sickness but many are unaware of it. I discovered that I was infected with the virus 3 months ago, after a medical check-up. My doctor told me and I was shocked, confused and felt like my world has crumbled. I was dying slowly due to the announcement of my medical practitioner but he assured me that I could leave a normal life if I took my medications (as there was no medically known cure to Herpes). I went from churches to churches but soon found that my case needed urgent attention as I was growing lean due to fear of dying anytime soon. In a bid to look for a lasting solution to my predicament, I sought for solutions from the herbal world. I went online and searched for every powerful trado-medical practitioner that I could severe, cos I heard that the African Herbs had a cure to the Herpes syndrome. It was after a little time searching the web that I came across one Dr Itua(A powerful African Herbal Doctor), who offered to help me at a monetary fee. I had to comply as this was my final bus-stop to receiving a perfect healing. My last resolve was to take my life by myself, should this plan fail. At last it worked out well. He gave me some steps to follow and I meticulously carried out all his instructions. Last month, to be precise, I went back to the hospital to conduct another test and to my amazement, the results showed that negative,Dr Itua Can As Well Cure The Following Desease…Cancer,Hiv,Herpes, Hepatitis B,Liver Inflammatory,Diabetis,Fribroid,,Non Hodgkin Lymphoma,Skin Cancer,Uterine Cancer,Prostate Cancer Dercum,Infertility,fibromyalgia,Get Your Ex Back,Als,SYPHILLIS,Genetic disease,Epilepsy, Parkinson's disease..You can free yourself of this Herpes virus by consulting this great African Herbal Doctor via this e-mail: drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com or call and whatsapp him on +2348149277967 He will help you and his herb medication is sure. he has the cure on all disease .You can talk to me on INSTAGRAM..tashamoore219....

Stephenie Brown said...

I'M TOTALLY FREE FROM HEPATITIS B
  I’m Stephenie Brown, i was diagnosed with Hepatitis B 4 years ago, i lived in pain with the knowledge that i wasn’t going to ever be well again.I have used several antiviral medications include Entacavir,lamivudine but this could not fight the virus off me rather i got side effects of fever,muscle and joint pain.After  spending so much money on antiviral drugs but I never get better.I made a research on the internet for herbal medicine. AS I was determined to get my lifestyle back and to be able to do things I am restricted from doing, I saw a lady’s post on how Herbal Dr. JAMES cured her  from Hiv virus with his herbal mix medicine. I contacted the same Doctor through his email....greatcureman@gmail.com....we spoke, i told him all that I have been going through and he told me not to worry that everything will be more better again so he prepared his herbal mix medicine and sent it to me through DHL courier company and told me the usage,after 21 days of completing the herbal medicine,i was totally free from Hepatitis B,I went to see a doctor for a blood test ,After taking a sample of my blood for the test the result came out negative,i just can’t deny that i’m the most happiest woman on earth this very moment ,i’m so happy and thanks to Herbal Doctor JAMES,He also told me he cures  diseases   such as Alzheimer's disease,schizophrenia,Autism.Bipolar disorder,  Shingles,Melasma,Underactive thyroid, Melanoma ,Cancer,Weak Erection,Wart Remover,Hpv,Herpes,Fibromyalgia,Hiv,Hepatitis b,Liver/Kidney Inflammatory,Epilepsy,Fibroid,Diabetes,Dercum,Copd,Back pain,Nephrotic syndrome,Contact him on his email and get rid of your diseases,he is a good   Email...GREATCUREMAN@GMAIL.COM

MATINA said...

I was diagnosed as HEPATITIS B carrier in 2013 with fibrosis of the
liver already present. I started on antiviral medications which
reduced the viral load initially. After a couple of years the virus
became resistant. I started on HEPATITIS B Herbal treatment from
ULTIMATE LIFE CLINIC (www.ultimatelifeclinic.com) in March, 2020. Their
treatment totally reversed the virus. I did another blood test after
the 6 months long treatment and tested negative to the virus. Amazing
treatment! This treatment is a breakthrough for all HBV carriers.

smtp service providers said...

Thanks for sharing. Keep it up...smtp service providers
smtp relay services